I was back at my favourite fashion disaster destination….the ole 7-11.
As I stood in line to pay for my goods, I watched as a gentleman strolled/swaggered across the lot. I couldn’t decide if it was a bummed leg/injury/hip replacement candidate or an actual practiced walk. Late 50’s, I’d guess. Tricky tho. For what he was sporting was trying to fool me. But ah, I can’t be fooled easily. I know your age by your receding hairline, the salt and pepper colour that’s seasoned your once full, youthful colour. The wrinkles on your face and the choice of clothing that you chose, with this one particular article, that you think will throw me off.
There you enter, with your faded blue, over-sized, relaxed Lee jeans, classic white runners and white t-shirt. Several chains with pendants adorn your neck, matching the metal on your clearly, favourite classic, youthful piece. I swear I should hide behind transition lenses, like my comrade here because, well, I stare. Not rudely, but with pure curiosity. I’d ask but I haven’t figured out the right verbiage to construct my question.
So here is my first attempt…..
Dear sir, what on this glorious, age appropriate attire laced stores, throughout this great land, made you choose that childish Spider-Man zip up hoodie? It’s not good. It doesn’t make you look youthful, you can’t look 12. It doesn’t make you look strong, it’s a sweater. It doesn’t make me think you have spidey senses or can shoot web from your wrist or that you house any sort of secret power other than the ability to possibly fall asleep anywhere at anytime. It’s not good. Oh I promise you that. Just as getting naked in a phone booth won’t make you Superman.
The same goes for you late 50’s lady. Get up! Go now to your 1997 Saturn! Open the door and for the love of God, rip out all that Winnie the Pooh car accessories!! The steering wheel cover, seat covers, floor mats, air freshener, bobble heads, beanie babes shoved up onto the dashes, the fuzzy shift cover…ALL OF IT!!! Throw. It. Out!! Maybe give it to your 14 year old niece but I doubt she wants.
What in sweet Jesus happened to that generation?
I swear half of you get me! The other half fell or are going through some sort of “hold damn tight to my youth” phase. This crap doesn’t make you youthful. I bet your single too. Judge Judy, Dr. Phil, Duck Dynasty? Hungry man, crocks, fuzzy crazy socks, joggers with elastic waists and ankles? Is this you? Permed hair with blonde streaks? Possible colour blocks in it too?! Frosted tips and pleated dress pants with a character tie? I see you!!
Please! Google search or pin age appropriate everything! It doesn’t take much or cost much to change your style, even a little adjustment. Trust me!! You will look a lot more youthful if you do. Not so tired and well…..old.
Dress appropriately in public.
If your 4 year old grandchild likes it, you shouldn’t too.
If you don’t see others wearing it, that are of the same generation, don’t wear it.
Ask the opinion of a straight laced, honest individual, that is maybe 37, owns an awesome Consignment store, is a fashion blogger and would be more than happy to guide you onto a path that is more age related.
I’m not asking you to give up your love of youthful characters. This can be kept at home, in a safe place, like in a comic book or perhaps a very small tchotchke.
Look in the mirror. Are you happy? Is everything you’re sporting making you blissfully giddy? Making you be the best you? Makes your spidey sense tingle? If so, oh bother and screw it! Carry on my sweet, late 50’s, generation, carry on.